My phone’s working now. But to do this I had to

1. Ring them back and tell them it wasn’t working
2. Ring back again because their computers weren’t working
3. Be transferred three times, eventually going back to the ever-helpful “concerns department” back in the UK
4. And then be put on hold because the previous call centre had my account locked
5. Then I had to ring the call centre again to link my debit card to my phone for topups
6. And now the only thing not working is the website stuff - it thinks I still have a contract, and happily informs me that my account is disabled. I did try ringing up about this, but failed to get my point across at all

My phone now has £10.01 in credit, I am on the Dolphin calling plan and have 300 free messages to abuse.